Letting Others Define You

This post is going to be a little different.  Although this is not directly related to fitness, it has everything to do with your body image, self confidence and how you view yourself.  

Who Are You?

Throughout our lives, we are introduced to many different people and faced with situations that slowly shape who we become as a person.  When you're younger, you're constantly told by friends, peers, and family what you should be doing, what you should look like, and what choices you should make.  When you were made fun of as a kid, it might have been because you didn't fit the stereotype of "cool" or you didn't look a certain way.  Eventually, after years of being told what you shouldn't be, you start molding yourself to become a person that others will accept.  What does it really mean to be yourself then?  Aren't we all just a collection of the things we've been told and what the people around us are like?

If this is true, it can be very hard to understand who you are as a person, and who you want to be.  If you were constantly told you weren't good enough, skinny enough, or good looking enough, then eventually you start to believe it and it becomes a product of who you are.   Your self confidence starts to lower and you begin attracting people into your life to reassure you of what you already feel about yourself.  If you feel unwanted, neglected, angry, or unworthy of great things in life, you start to attract those people that will continue to fuel those feelings.  Sometimes, you may even meet some awesome people, but depending on how you feel about yourself, they may or may not become your friends.  When you put out a good vibe into the world, your rewarded with people and experiences that return that same good feeling.

Defining Yourself

Here's the secret to defining yourself.  Start telling yourself who you want to be and do not let anyone else's opinion get in the way.  If it's true that we are a product of everything we've been told, then using positive self talk can have the same affect.  The truth is, the only person that can make you feel great is you.  Compliments from your friends might make you feel good and attractive in the short term, but at the end of the day, it's how you feel about yourself that will stay with you.  A significant other won't fulfill your desire to be loved, and addictions won't erase your feelings of loneliness and guilt about your past, your mistakes, or your choices.  The saying that others can't love you until you love yourself is completely true.

If you want to be loved, tell yourself every day that you are already loved, and feel the feelings associated with those words.  If you want to have friends, tell yourself you have more friends than you can imagine.  If you want to be fit and in shape, start telling yourself that you look beautiful and amazing.  If you want to be more successful, tell yourself that you already are making as much money as you could ever desire.  The more you tell yourself these things, the more you will start to believe them and the more you will take action to become those things.  Repeat these words to yourself every day, multiple times per day, and your life will begin to change.  

You truly are the writer of your life.  You should never punish yourself because of your past and let the things that people have told you or your circumstances define who you are.  Chances are that the people who told you those things had their own insecurities.  Your previous choices, experiences, and faults do not define you. Every day is a new day and a chance to begin defining who you really want to be and who you really want in your life.  Every day that you let anger, guilt, and regret stay with you is another day that you push away a fulfilling and happy life.  

We all deserve the best things out of life no matter what we've been through.  Your mind is the most powerful tool you own and it can either be your enemy or your compass.  Which will it be for you?